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From now on (I'm doing what I used to do). Prt1

Peace be still, for you must wait on the Lord. But to be honest it feels like times a waistin' while I'm a waitin'. Though I must remember that I have no control of time or what will happen next.

I'm currently in a place in my life where I care more about me than I've ever had. I'm in a place where if I want to travel to another state, I make preparations to do so (if I don't have the money already to be spontaneous). I'm in a place where I want my desires to meet with my fantasies and intertwine with fun and create for me a EUPHORIA where I'm BLISSFULLY out of my mind.

I used to be a young lady that no matter what, a smile stayed on my face because (always in the back of my mind was "This too shall pass") and now I think I've collected way more than I can bear and my smiles are coming far and not so few in between and this optimistically hopeful beauty of light is starting to dim.

Though I should be proud of myself because it took me years to arrive at this point; I guess I'm stronger than I thought? But what I want now, more than ever is to achieve my goals, that I've currently set (like I used to) and while I'm doing that I want to take the time to stop and smell the roses (like I used to) and add an experience to my journey one at a time. I want to sip on wine, make intense, fun, incredible great love, followed by wonderful sleep.

I want to wake up the next morning feeling refreshed, renewed and rejuvenated with a great love for my mate, life and the pursuance of my dreams another day. I want to enjoy the rain (like I used to) by watching and listening from my window or by going outside with no rain coat, could careless about my hair and swallow drops of God's nectar as it also pours upon my head.

I want to get in my car and turn on some SADE; the song, "Sweetest Taboo" with all of the windows rolled down and head in the direction of the beach; get there, strip down to my bikini and go splash in the water, chill in the sand while soaking up some sun and when it's all said and done, I go get one of the best slices of pepperoni pizza with a beer... And I don't even drink.... BEER. *smiles*

THAT'S IT!!!! I've made up my mind. I will start today. Doing what I think about rather than it just being a day dream in my head. That's why I was writing this from my balcony for the first time in a long time. See, smelling the roses! I encourage you to do the same.

Until...


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