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Still Sitting Still... Ranting and Raving!

I have made a great many mistakes in my life and most of them to me, weren't really a big deal. They were not mistakes that I sought later to regret, up until my late twenties. At first the mistakes before then were to be looked at as okay; "Quanda you know better next time. Chalk this up to the game because had you'd paid more close attention to your instincts than you'd put yourself in a better position." Usually the mistakes that I made never really included hurting anyone, more so either, hurting me, punishing me or costing me. It was very rare that someone was hurt because of me, something I did. If there were, I either didn't know cause they didn't tell me, I said no to something they wanted me to do that wasn't good for me or there were maybe a little jealousy involved and the only reason why they are hurt is because they tried to prevent me from having what GOD already permitted me to have. Any way, as far as mistakes, that would be the just of them.

However, lately the mistakes I've been making are almost basically the same, again really just me ending up hurt, just bigger and much more worse; as far as the results. Wow!!! I think I'm living as the "Albert Einstein" quote right now, cause once again it's all because I didn't follow my first mind, my instincts, that feeling in my stomach that says " Don't do that. That's not for you. Wait for something better." The killing part is, I don't even know how I got here?!. What the hell???!!! I feel like I'm in the "Twilight Zone". Looking at the road ahead and I've never seen such a cloudy path way (with knowing I have a bright future). I can't see where I'm going, don't trust myself enough to hear my intuition that GOD gave me, I trust in GOD but my flesh is weak, so you know my thoughts and emotions be running me ragged.

I pray for strength, peace, a quietness to hear and listen, but you know JESUS works in his own time. Boy, life at random is the truth. I sometimes be really tripping in my head how you could be cruising nicely with an even flow, wind blow, great music, plans are working out accordingly and then all of a sudden; car accident, car totaled, it starts to rain, the other guy has no insurance, you lost your job and although you walked away without a scratch; you find that one of your relatives just died, but you got an unexpected check in the mail for $200.00. Man!!! Life to me for a lack of better words is bizarre, weird, retarded, unimaginably insanely crazy. So with all of that said, I am still sitting still... Ranting and raving. Not a good day today, forgive me.

Until...

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